In the early morning the sound of whistling echoes through the forty-first floor of Toronto Maple Leaf Tower. The whistler is Lou Lamoriello getting a ridiculously early start on his workday. The tune he is whistling is “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” from the film of the same name. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is Lous favorite piece of work by Dick Van Dyke, narrowly winning over Mary Poppins only because of the Dick screen time comparison.

Lou is whistling as he sorts through a large pile of vacuum-sealed jerky packs on his desk. He is separating the packs into smaller piles based on both meat type and flavour. The work takes hours. The sun rises; the workday begins for more sleep inclined people; Lou carries on whistling. He has started to place select packs of jerky into a large cooler that sits on the floor beside his chair. The tune he whistles now is “No Cats In America” from An American Tail, which is not Lous favorite animated musical despite being a timeless classic.

In his left hand Lou considers gator jerky and in his right a pack of teriyaki ostrich. He is weighing the merits of each when Brendan Shanahan, Mark Hunter, and Kyle Dubas enter his office. Lou does not look up.

“I’m gonna need another couple of hours gettin’ my meat packed over here fellas.”

Mark and Kyle exchange a glance loaded with both confusion and concern. Brendan walks over to Lous desk and starts perusing the jerky.

“What are you packing up your meat for Lou?”

“For the trip to London. Aren’t we all headed out there today? You know, to get all drunk and sloppy before the rookie tournament starts. Rutherford called me, said there was a party tonight.”

“We are driving out to London today Lou, but it’s not that kind of trip. Besides, you’re not coming. I need you here.”

“Not coming?” Lou collapses into his chair. “I was packing all my best jerky. They have a strip club right outside of town that allows RV parking. I was gonna make pickles and waffles for you guys. It’s our first road trip.” He throws the two packs of jerky back onto his desk and sinks even lower into his chair. “I guess I will just have to watch Fern Gully all by myself then.” Fern Gully is also not Lous favorite animated musical, but it is the one he finds travels best.

“I told you, it’s not that kind of trip Lou. There is a ton of stuff to do before the pre-season starts. Everybody is super busy.”

“Oh yeah? Well what are you working on then?”

“I have two charity golf tournaments and a fundraising gala booked. The identity of the new Legends Row statue almost leaked last night so I have to find and plug a hole. I am still working non-stop to keep Gary and his ads off our jerseys, and I want to have at least one lunch and one dinner with the rookies parents.”

“Okay, well what about you?” Lou looks directly at Kyle. The eye contact is a clear indication of just how rattled the GM is, he would never normally acknowledge his assistant as a real person.

“I am researching the ‘Powerall’ home battery. I want to see if we can get the ACC to run completely off-grid on renewable energy. Plus I am hoping that if we partner with Tesla I might get a chance to meet Elon Musk.” Even heroes have idols and Kyle makes no attempt to hide the note of giddiness that always creeps into his voice when talking about Tesla or Mr. Musk.

“None of what you just said makes any sense to me. What is an Elon musk? Is that one of those man perfumes?”

“Elon Musk is probably the most innovative and forward thinking person on this planet. He is going to turn our species into interplanetary space travellers and finally get us off the fossil fuel death train.”

“Sounds like you’re pretty sweet on this fella. What about you Mark? I know you’re always down for the cause.”

Mark stares at Lou. Lou stares at Mark. Mark stares at Lou. Lou stares at Mark. Mark stares at Lou. Lou stares at Mark. Mark stares at Lou. Lou stares at Mark.

“Well count me out then, that’s twisted even for my tastes. So I guess you’re all too busy. Can I please come anyway Brendan, please?”

A piano sounds and Method Man starts singing from Brendan’s pocket. “Cash rules everything around me. Cream, get the money. Dolla’ dolla’ bills y’all. Cash rules everything around me. Cream, get the money. Dolla’ dolla’ bills y’all.” Brendan pulls out his phone, checks the caller ID and answers.

“Hey Jeff, we’re hitting the road in about twenty minutes. What!?” Brendan starts pacing as he listens to what is obviously bad news. “Okay. Okay. It’s done. I will just have to take care of it. No, you’ve done enough. Just try to relax. Don’t you start your show today? I know you’re not on ‘til noon. Whatever you say O. ” Hanging up on Jeff O’Neil, Brendan looks to Kyle. “Who is our contact at Molson? O-Dog accidentally drank four kegs this morning. He says there are only twelve left at the house.”

“I’ll get right on it.” Kyle pulls out his phone and starts scrolling through his contacts. Brendan turns back to Lou.

“I need you here Lou. I need you taking calls, if any calls come in. I need you to tell ‘em we are evaluating our team right now. You can listen. You can talk. You can’t deal. Understand? Can you do that Lou?”

“But I gotta be with the team. I’m the general manager.”

“That’s just it Lou, What we’re doing in London is more of a specific management type of thing. Just man the phones Lou, that’s where I need you. Can I take this?” Brendan is holding a pack of sweet n’ spicy boar jerky. Lou nods.

Opening the jerky, Brendan walks over to the bar. He pours a pint of rye for Lou and makes a flaming sambuca shot for himself. The president does not blow out the flames before downing the liquor and when he burps after, smoke comes out of his mouth. As Brendan walks Lous drink over, Mark and Kyle start looking through the jerky on Lous desk.

There is a knock on the door and Mike Babcock walks into the office before anyone can answer. He strides into the room with a kingly step, analyzes the scenario in a moment and heads straight for Lous desk.

“Van’s all packed boys. I have the entire Adam Sandler catalogue lined up for the drive. What’s going on here? Jerky?”

“Help yourself,” says Lou.

With his mouth half full of boar meat Brendan speaks. “So you’re going to be okay by yourself Lou?”

“Oh sure Brendan. I’ll listen to offers, if they come.” Lous tone says exactly how unlikely he thinks those calls to be. “No deals though. We’re just evaluating our team on the ice for a minute.”

“Boys we gotta go,” says Mike. “If we don’t get to the house before the giant sub, O-dog is gonna eat the whole thing and you know it. Lets just say it with Lou one last time before we head out yeah?” Mike holds his hands together and bows his head. The other men do the same. After a moment of silence they speak in unison as if the words were a spell. And maybe words do hold the power to create.

“Dear God and Lord Stanley, thank you for bringing us together here in Toronto, and please help Steven Stamkos find his way home.”

Mike picks up six packs of plain jerky: moose, horse, yak, eel, salmon, and quail, then heads to the door. “Take it easy Lou. Thanks for the meat.” he says, without looking back.

With a nod Mark takes two packs of spicy snake jerky and follows the coach out the door. Kyle picks a pack of peppered peacock.

“I am going to stream all the games straight to your desktop remotely. All you have to do is be here to watch them.”

“Thanks, you’re a good assistant.”

Stunned by the compliment Kyle heads out the door, leaving Brendan and Lou alone.

“Please can I come Brendan? I wanna have fun with you fellas.”

“Its not that kind of trip Lou.” Brendan shakes Lous hand warmly and pats him on the shoulder. “Just take care of business until we get back.”

Picking up Lous rye and taking a long sip, Brendan scans the jerky pile. He finally decides on the teriyaki ostrich before heading out the door.

For a long time Lou sits in his chair and stares. At last he lets out a long sigh.

“Happy Lous’ Day.” He says to himself.

After finishing off what is left of his drink, but before pouring another one, Lou gets set up to watch his favorite animated musical South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut and orders an extra large, thin crust, pepperoni pizza.