It is game day. The Toronto Maple Leafs are in Dallas, Texas. The road trip gives Brendan Shanahan an opportunity to sample some restaurants from his favourite food show Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. Even though Maple & Motor Burgers & Beer is packed for the lunch rush, Brendan has brought Lou Lamoriello and Kyle Dubas with him. The three men sit at a booth waiting to order.

“This place sucks, lets go.” Says Lou.

“Just wait.” Brendan commands. “Once you taste the jalepeno and bacon cheese fries you’ll be glad you came.”

“I always thought you were too much of a health nut to go for these kinds of meals.” Kyle says.

“Oh, I eat healthy.” Brendan says with a laugh. “Catherine wouldn’t have it any other way.” Kyle laughs with Brendan as Lou rolls his eyes dramatically. “But we have an agreement. Whenever I get a chance to try a triple D restaurant I take it. We both love the show, and Guy is a great host, but it’s impossible to know what the food is really like. The more I try the food that Guy tries, the more my mouth understands his mouth. Then I give a flavour report to Catherine and we can appreciate the show even more.”

“Oh my god, that is the dumbest thing ever.” Lou says. “Can we get some service here!” No one pays any attention to the shout.

“I don’t think it’s dumb Lou.” Kyle defends his president. “Brendan and Catherine bond over a cooking show. Relationships are hard. Whatever works is a good thing, right?”

“You must have the cleanest asshole in the world Shanny, with all the tonguing you get from this guy. Food shows are dumb. It’s just porn for your gut.”

“How is Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives like pornography Lou?” Brendan asks.

“Food you’re not eating is as satisfying as sex you’re not having. You wanna bang six asian cheerleaders you call hookers, you want to gargle with bacon you call a cook. Holy fuck it’s like they don’t want our money. Can we get some service please!”

“Calm down Lou.” Brendan says “Lets all just take a breath and say it again.” The three men bow their heads. After a moment of silence they speak in unison as if the words were a spell. And maybe words do hold the power to create.

“Dear God and Lord Stanley, thank you for bringing us together in Toronto, and please help Steven Stamkos find his way home.”

Lou lets out a sigh. “Why can’t we pray for some service already?”

“It’s lunch time, they’re busy. What’s the rush?”  Brendan asks, even though he is sure the answer will only lead to more questions.

“I gotta get to Aurora before the game tonight.”

“Okay, what’s a roarer?” Brendan asks.

“Aurora, Texas. It’s a small town just outside the city.”

“Oh. So, why do you need to go to Aurora?”

“Because.” Lou looks over both shoulders to see if anyone is listening. No one is, but he leans in close to Brendan and whispers anyway. “Because of the aliens.”

Kyle barks a laugh and Lou shoots a death glare at him.

“Why do you think there are aliens living in a small town in Texas?” Brendan asks “And what sort of business do you have with them?”

“You’re talking about illegal immigrant aliens, aren’t you Lou.” Kyle makes no attempt to hide his disdain. “Got a side job with Immigration and Nationalization Services do ya?”

“No Kyle, I don’t work for the INS. If I did I would definitely kick your ass outta the country. And I don’t think that aliens are living in Aurora. What I know is that an alien; a space traveling, extra-terrestrial alien, is buried there.”

A server approaches the table. “Have you gentlemen been helped?” he asks.

“Not yet.” Brendan smiles as he answers. “But we are as patient as we are hungry.”

Brendan, Kyle, and the server laugh. Lou rolls his eyes.

“Can I get you some drinks to start?”

“Just water please.” Says Brendan.

“I’ll have a water too.” Says Kyle.

Lou growls his order. “Gimme a pitcher of Heineken, two strawberry daiquiri’s, and three fingers of scotch, neat.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back with your drinks.” The server does not wait for any food to be added to the order.

“Goddamn Texas horse jacker. I’m starving over here!” Lou shouts.

“So how do you know an alien is buried in Aurora?” Brendan hopes to distract Lou from his frustration.

“Everyone knows it Brendan. A UFO crashed in Aurora on April 17 1897. There was an article in The Dallas Morning News. It crashed on old Judge Proctor’s land, destroying his windmill, water tower, and flower garden. The only entity on board was the pilot of the craft who they report as ‘not an inhabitant of this world.’ The pilot’s funeral was held the next day.”

“Oh please.” Kyle shakes his head. “It’s a hoax. Of course it’s a hoax. Some country beat writer wanted to liven up his day. Maybe he was sick of writing about cows and grain so he made up a funny story to fool idiots. And here you are, fooled.”

“Whatever Kyle. If you want to ignore the evidence that’s your choice.”

“Evidence?” Kyle interrupts

Lou talks right over him. “I know what I know and I say what I say. Aliens have been on this planet since before our recorded history and they live to this day monitoring our planet from bases on the dark side of the moon and scattered throughout the asteroid belt.”

Kyle laughs out loud. “Come on Lou, that’s ridiculous. I don’t even know how to talk to you.” He looks to Brendan. “Can you believe this, what kind of evidence could there possibly be to support that?”

Brendan does not share in Kyle’s mockery. Instead he looks at Lou with raised eyebrows.

“Read a book about our planets history, ass. The evidence is everywhere around us, we’re just too up our own butts to notice. Look at Stonehenge for instance. If you buy the current theory of that place, human beings excavated, shaped and transported these massive stones, dragging them for miles across the hills and planted them straight up and down to form a complex sundial. Then, after several thousand years it was rotated slightly to the right so the sunrise could still take place in between the correct stones, and the human, bronze-age people who accomplished all this astounding engineering using only their muscles and their minds were so humble that they didn’t want any credit. Instead they said that giants did it. Giants who came down from the sky.

“If you don’t like Britain then take a look at what the ancient Egyptians were up to. Forget the pyramids for a minute. The pyramids and all the archeological fraud involved with them is a whole separate conversation. Just look at the hieroglyphs they left behind. Are we all just supposed to believe that they created an in-depth pictorial record of every aspect of their lives, detailing everything from agricultural methods to military campaigns, yet decided to take poetic licence when it came to their rulers? Is it so hard to imagine that when an artist carves a giant king into a wall, that king was, in fact, a giant? A giant who apparently came down from the sky.

“The problem is, we think of ourselves as so superior to ancient people. That’s just bullshit vanity. Easier is not better, and better is only a question of perspective anyway. Just because our tablets are digital, and ancient tablets were made of stone, are they better? Which would you rather use to squash a scorpion? Then again, in Sumerian legends, tablets were portable devices used by the gods for communication over long distances and capable of holding vast knowledge. And who were those gods? More giants from heaven! Just another weird coincidence I guess.”

Brendan and Kyle stare, speechless, at Lou. They have never heard him talk so much about anything, not even his bowels, a subject he is very fond of.

“Here are your drinks, and are you gentlemen ready to order?”

“I think we’re gonna need a minute.” Brendan says, ignoring Lou’s protests. “You say they’re watching us. What are they watching for?”