The top floor of the Toronto Maple Leaf tower holds the private sanctum of team president, Brendan Shanahan. Aside from his hand-picked staff, who are very well paid for their discretion as well as their skills, no one is allowed into the president’s space. The one exception to this rule is Games Night.

With the non-stop business of the NHL regular season, scheduling time for fun was difficult, but Brendan was adamant that mind and spirit be given the chance to unwind regularly. The gaming group was the same each week; Kyle Dubas, Mike Babcock, and Lou Lamoriello of course, as well as Jeff ‘Snacks’ O’Niell. Only on Dungeons and Dragons night, were they joined by NHL commissioner Gary Bettman.

It was Lou’s fault that Bettman was part of the game. He’d let it slip that they were starting a campaign at the draft. Gary had said he’d never played Dungeons and Dragons and wanted to try it. The scrawny little wiener had looked so pathetic and desperate that Brendan could not refuse. Now the commish was part of the campaign narrative and they couldn’t play without him. And because he was so flaky and non-committal, getting Gary to come over on Games Night always proved to be a struggle. Because of Gary, they hadn’t played DnD for weeks, and it was hard for Brendan not to hate him a little. However, with everyone in the holiday spirit, the game is on and their session is running late into the night.

A fresh mug of espresso and Bailey’s is placed on Brendan’s coaster by a beautiful naked woman. Only Gary ogles her openly, licking his wormy lips. The rest of the players are focused on Lou, the Game Master for this campaign.

“As you approach the multi-coloured lights dancing in the darkness, you begin to hear a faint note of music. As you get closer, you can hear a voice whispering a song. It is a song of welcoming, a song of beckoning. Everybody roll a wisdom check.”

All the players, except for Gary, roll their twenty-sided dice. “Can I shoot a fireball at the lights?” he asks.

“You have to roll your wisdom check before you can do anything.” Lou says.

“Yeah but my guy was gonna shoot a fireball at the lights before anything happened.” Gary argues.

“No Gary. I am the GM. I decide what happens. You were sneaking up to get a closer look at the lights with the rest of the group. No one is attacking anything. You are rolling your wisdom check.”

Gary rolls his d20. “Twenty! Ha ha. Now I cast a fire ball.”

Lou sighs and rolls his eyes. “Just wait. How many of you got over fifteen?” Only Gary and Snacks raise their hands. “Okay, The rest of you are under the spell of the music and can take no further actions. You don’t feel any fear as the music takes over your entire psyche. All you want to do is get closer to the lights so you can dance with them.”

“I cast fireball into the lights!” Gary leaps up in triumph as he announces his intentions.

Every player at the table groans. “Please don’t.” Snacks says, then he looks over at Lou. “Do I notice him casting his spell? Can I push him or throw a rock at him to disrupt the casting?”

“He’s not hiding his actions.” Lou says. “ But you’re focused on the lights. Roll over twelve and you will happen to glance over in time to disrupt his spell.” Snacks closes his eyes and rolls. The table cheers, except for Gary. The dice reads thirteen. “Okay, you disrupt his casting.”

“What the hell.” Gary says. “Why’d you do that?”

“Because you’re stupid.” Snacks says. “We’re trying to sneak through the forest and all you want to do is blow stuff up. Never mind that it’s one of your best spells and we might actually need it later, we’re trying to be stealthy here.”

Lou interjects. “Your argument has caught the attention of the faerie Queen. Now that she is actively targeting you, there is no defence against her spell. You are both under her control. You feel no fear, and just want to dance with the lights.”

“I told you I should have blown the lights up.” Gary says.

“It’s an in-game event Gary.” Brendan says. “You just let it happen. If you try and pick a fight with the faerie Queen she will probably just kill you.”

“Enslave the party for all eternity actually.” Lou says.

Mike looks over at Gary with his most serious angry face. “If you are all done trying to mess with our game, some of us are trying to play here. Lou, what happens next?”

Lou looks around at the players, hesitating for dramatic effect.

“You awake with the rising of the sun. After a quick inspection, you find that all of your equipment is where you left it. However, all your gold has been taken. Also, you are each missing your left boot. You may roll a perception check if you like, to see what you remember of the night’s events.”

Gary laughs. “That reminds me of this one time in Mexico when we woke up behind a burrito shack without our shoes and wallets. Hey, have I told you guys about my latest awesome idea for the league?”

Brendan interrupts. “We don’t talk about work on Games Night Gary. I’ve told you a million times.”

“I know, but I just want to tell you one thing.” Gary persists. “Imagine the NHL in Mexico City.” Gary raises his hand to receive the impending high fives, but none come his way. “I am telling you, Mexico is the next big hockey market. They are going to love us down there. Plus, think about how much fun the players will have on their road trips. Awesome right? Guys?”

“I rolled a seventeen for my perception.” Kyle says, mercifully bringing everyone’s attention back to the game.

Lou checks a chart he’s devised for the game. He laughs a quiet little laugh, then looks at Kyle. “You have a memory of  dancing with a large cluster of faeries. You remember taking a sip of some sort of faerie drink. The only other thing you can recall is the sensation of many tiny hands rubbing all over your body. Roll a d6”

Kyle rolls a six-sided dice. “Three,” he says, reading the result.

Lou looks back at his chart. “The faeries have removed all of your body hair, including your eyebrows and your beard.”

“No-o-o!!!” Kyle wails as he role-plays his character’s reaction. Kyle is playing a dwarven fighter and the loss of his beard is a serious trauma. The group laughs, and then continue around the table, finding out what each character remembers from the night with the faeries. Finally it is Gary’s turn.

“You gonna roll your perception?” Lou asks.

“No. I don’t care what happened with the stupid faeries. I can’t believe you stole all our gold.” Gary puts on a pouty face and slumps low in his chair. His tiny child sized frame fits easily between his seat and the table, and soon only the top of his head is visible to the other players. “This sucks.”

“Relax Gary.” Mike says “What do we need gold for anyway? We’re trying to sneak into the haunted castle to stop the rising tide of undead terrorizing the countryside. We won’t be able to spend any money until we get through the castle anyway.”

“And you know what’s always in a castle?” Snacks joins in.

“What?” says grumpy Gary.

“Traps.” Kyle cuts in.

“Traps.” Snacks agrees. “And treasure. Lots of treasure.”

“We have to find our shoes before we can go any further.” Brendan reminds the group.

“Bah, maybe you elves and humans do.” Kyle says in character. “We dwarves are made of sterner stuff than that. Why, I have callouses on me little toe that would dull a butcher’s blade.”

“As calloused as yon feet may be,”  Mike says. “we must enboot thy foul toes else we alert the whole  forest of our passage.”

Kyle gives Mike a dumbfounded look.

“He’s saying your feet stink.” Snacks provides.

“Of course they stink!” Kyle says. “Why, a dwarf is as proud of his odour as he is of his be…”

“His what?” Snacks probes.

Kyle had forgotten for a moment and now he would have to role-play even harder. Reaching up to touch his smooth cheeks, Kyle wails and the group laughs again at his theatrics.

“My beautiful beard,” he pretend cries.

It takes the group a little while to get their shoes back. The Faerie Queen had hidden them up a nearby tree and hilariously, Brendan’s elven Druid had failed his roll to climb it. It was Mike’s heavily armoured paladin that actually got up the tree, but he fell out as he knocked the shoes down.

An alarm suddenly starts to beep from Mike’s pocket. He pulls out a small digital watch, pushes a button on the side of it, and says. “It’s midnight fellas. We need to say it one time here real quick.” Looking to Snacks and Gary, he adds. “ You two just hang tight for a second.”

The four members of the Toronto Maple Leafs bow their heads. After a moment of silence they speak in unison as if the words were a spell. And maybe words do hold the power to create.

“Dear God and Lord Stanley.”

“Jeff. Hey Jeff.” Gary is not subtle as he tries to get Snacks’ attention. “You think I can call this tampering?” His smug look of satisfaction is wiped away as Mike open-hand slaps him hard in the face and continues his prayer.

“Thank you for bringing us together here in Toronto and please help Steven Stamkos find his way home.” After another moment of silence they look up and play continues.

“So, you all get your shoes back, and inside each one you find a full heal potion.” Lou says. “It’s roughly seven in the morning, the air is crisp and the sun is shining. What do you do?”

“Do we recognize where we are in the forest?” Brendan asks.

“You do.” Lou answers. “You know exactly where you are. The court of the faerie Queen did not move you anywhere.”

“How long will it take us to walk to the castle, assuming we go slowly and try to avoid detection?” Mike asks.

“You will get to the castle around sunset, unless you’re delayed.” Lou says with a smile.

“He’s smiling guys.” Snacks says. “That is never a good sign. Let’s just take it real slow through these woods, okay.”

“Can you believe Han Solo dies in the new Star Wars? I was so bummed.” Gary just blurts this out for no reason.

“Oh my god! What!?” Kyle shouts. “Bettman you fuck! I told you we haven’t seen it yet.”

“You are such an asshole.” Mike says shaking his head.

“I told you we were waiting for Mark to get back from Finland.” Kyle means Mark Hunter, the Toronto Maple Leaf director of Player Personnel, who is in Helsinki watching the World Junior tournament. Kyle, Brendan, Mike and Lou had promised to wait until they were together to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Mike and Lou went on opening day, but Kyle and Brendan had kept their promise. “Why? Why would you do that?” This time Kyle’s anguish is real.

Brendan stands up and points to the door. “Get out,” he says to Gary.

“Brendan, please, give me a break.” Gary has always been a sniveler and his puckered little rat face slides into full suction mode with ease.

“OUT!” The president rarely raises his voice, but when he does it makes an impact.

Gary stands up and backs away. “Okay, okay, yeesh. It’s just a movie. At least I didn’t tell you Han is the bad guy’s father. Oops.”

“Get the fuck out of here Bettman! You are the worst guy ever!” Lou screams at the retreating commissioner.

Several beautiful naked women bring everyone a drink to help them calm down, and then the game continues.

“Okay,” says Lou. “As you walk through the forest a tree suddenly falls and lands on the halfling wizard, crushing and killing him instantly.”

“I search his corpse.” Snacks says before anyone else can. “Did the tree crush his heal potion?”