The Toronto Maple Leaf fallout shelter can comfortably house sixty-seven people for over a year. For this reason Toronto Maple Leafs GM Lou Lamoriello has invited only forty; The whole roster of players, some key front office personnel; two trainers; and the cook from the Pizza Pizza up the street. A low buzz of conversation fills the shelter. Everyone is wondering why they are here. Lou steps up onto a coffee table and waits for everyone to quiet down.

“I am very glad you could all make it today.” Lou’s voice carries well in the small space. “You may be wondering why I called you here, well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the world will come to an end today.” The shocked silence lasts for only a second and then the room erupts in confused agitation. “Don’t worry, we’re safe down here and after the damage has been done it will be our responsibility to repopulate the Earth.” Lou looks over to the two trainers and winks. Too late, it dawns on them that they are the only women in the shelter. “Now if everyone will just relax, there will be hot pizza in just a few minutes, and we have lots of beer and rum to drink.”

Lou walks over to the Pizza Pizza cook, who has crumpled to the floor in a weepy heap. “Hey, get up.” Lou says. “You got a lot of hungry mouths to feed, get going.”

“This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.” The eighteen year old repeats manically as he sobs.

Lou’s arm is caught in a firm grip. “Come with me.” Brendan Shanahan looks angry. Lou doesn’t struggle as the Toronto Maple Leafs president pulls him to a corner of the shelter away from the din. “Explain.” Brendan says.

“Not much to explain Brendo. I’ve been preparing for this day for twenty five years. I’m sorry I couldn’t warn you, but I didn’t want to start a panic until we were safe.”

From the center of the room one voice rises above all the others. “Everybody sit!” It is Mike Babcock, the Toronto Maple Leaf head coach. His command is obeyed immediatley. “Now, I want everyone to close their eyes and focus on breathing in and out. Do that until I tell you different.”

Lou looks at the coach with mixed surprise and frustration. “What the hell is he doing here? God damn it. How am I supposed to build my post-apocalyptic paradise now”

Mike strides over to Lou and Brendan as silence takes over the shelter. He has controlled his emotions and so does not punch Lou in the mouth immediatley.

“Lou, we have a problem.” The coach says.

“Tell me Mike, what’s your problem?” Lou does not try to hide his annoyance. “My problem is that somehow you stowed away in my shelter and I never brought rations for you. Well your not getting any of my pizza pal. Not one slice.”

“My problem is that we have a hockey team down here getting scared instead of at the rink getting better. What are we doing down here Lou?”

“I told you, we are staying safe while the world ends.” Lou says.

“Okay. Why do you think the world is ending.” Mike speaks as he would to a small and particularley dense child.

“It’s kind of a long story.” Lou says.

“Tell us.” Brendan demands.

“Okay. It was June 23 1989. I had just finished eating the worst Peking duck I ever had in my life. I was sucking on the beak when the waiter brought me my bill, and with it a fortune cookie. Now usually I don’t even open the fortune cookie but on that day I was so disappointed with my meal that I decided to try one. So I open up the cookie and I get this fortune.” Lou pulls a small slip of paper from his jacket pocket “It says You will receive an important message today. And look at the numbers on the back: 2, 16, 20, 88. So I leave the restaurant and I had to run because I was late for my movie. I missed the previews but luckily was in time for the film, and what movie was I going to see? Ghostbusters 2 of course. Biggest movie of the summer.” Lou pauses to let this sink in. “And while I was watching the movie, I received my important message, just like the fortune cookie said. Maybe ten minutes in, one of the characters says the world will come to an end on February 16 2016 or 2/16/20 and 8 plus 8 equals 16, just like my fortune cookie. And I’ve been waiting for this day ever since.”

Brendan is stunned into silence. Mike is not.

“Ghostbusters 2.” The coach closes his eyes and sighs deeply. “Might be the most disappointing sequel I have ever seen.”

“Take that back!” Lou shouts and aims a slap at the coaches face. Mike leans back at the last second and avoids the blow wihout openning his eyes.

“Think about it for a second Lou. Put aside the special effects, which were way ahead of their time, and forget the amazing on screen chemistry that seems to infect the whole cast. There are two major holes in the screenplay that cannot be ignored. The whole premise of the movie is flawed from the beginning. The audience is supposed to believe that a mere five years after the marshmallow man incident, the Ghostbusters have been largely forgotten. Okay, I can believe that the public has marginalized the efforts of the team, but for city officials to no longer accept the existence of  ghosts as fact is ludicrous. Even if we can agree that a certain level of animosity has developed over liability issues, it just does not make sense that the Ghostbusters need to battle against city hall again. It’s bad writtting plain and simple.

“And how about the ending. All of a sudden the ectoplasm that can make a toaster hop to music is able to bring the Statue of Liberty to life? Suspension of disbelief is one thing, but this breaks the rules that the movie itself established. Don’t get me wrong, visually the moment is wonderful. My issue is that the screen writters are expecting us to just accept that by placing a nintendo controller on the statue the Ghostbusters will not only be able to have complete control over the statue’s fine motor skills but they will be experts at it. Beyond going for a walk, they make the things head turn and they make it punch through the museum skylight, it’s just so far beyond the parameters that were established earlier in the film, it doesn’t make sense. Just thinking about it makes me angry.

“I hate when film makers take advantage of our goodwill. They knew that everyone wanted more Ghostbusters, so instead of giving us the perfection we deserved they simply threw together some storyboards and churned out one hundred and eight minutes of junk and told us to swallow it. Ghostbusters 2 represents everything that is wrong with Hollywood. Movie makers are nothing more than story tellers and the story needs to be the most important part. Stunning visuals can highlight a fine tale, but they can never replace it.

“Oh, and the end of the world prediction is for February 14 2016. Your two days too late.”

“What?” Lou says, stunned.

“You heard me. Chloe Webb plays the role of Elaine, a guest on ‘World of the Psychic with Dr. Peter Venkman’ and she predicts the end of the world to be on Valentines day 2016. So you missed it.”

Lou deflates as he absorbs this information. “Are you sure?” He asks with little hope.

Mike does not dignify the question with an answer. Instead he addresses the group.

“False alarm folks, the world ended on on Sunday so we’re all good. Lou, open up the doors. Leafs, we are late for practice. Get a move on.” Mike ushers everyone out of the shelter then looks to Brendan. “Lets say it while we have a minute.”

Brendan and Lou bow their heads with Mike. After a moment of silence they speak in unison as if the words were a spell, and maybe words do hold the power to create.

“Dear God and Lord Stanley, thank you for bringing us together here in Toronto, and please help Steven Stamkos find his way home.”

Mike hurries after his Leafs. Brendan and Lou are alone in the shelter. Brendan puts an arm around Lou’s shoulder.

“I can’t believe this Brendan. I’ve spent the last twenty-five years worried about the wrong day.”

“It happens Lou.” Brendan says as he leads Lou back to the street. “Come on, I will buy you some lunch.”

“I’m not even hungry. Let’s just go to the peelers.” After a moment Lou adds, “I’m pretty sure they have crab cakes on special. Maybe I’ll have some crab.”