Lou Lamoriello rolls out of bed with a groan. After watching his Toronto Maple Leafs get demolished by the LA Kings last night he had opened a bottle of rum and remembered nothing else. He couldn’t even recall the election results.

Lou is a very proud American. Living in Canada this past year has been very difficult for him, only his passion for the Leafs and hockey have made it bearable. Sadly his all consuming focus had kept Lou from remembering to mail in his vote.

Lou wasn’t too worried though. He had faith that his fellow Americans would make the right choice. There is no way a man who Lou had once brawled with over a Taiwanese lady boy could actually win the Presidency.

Lou sits on his toilet and turns on his tablet, opening the CNN homepage.

“Fuck.” He says, shitting. “Fuck.”