“What the heck is this?” Toronto Maple Leaf head coach Mike Babcock is bellowing as he barges into Kyle Dubas’ office. He is waving a piece of paper above his head as if to ward off fleas. Mike marches directly to the assistant GM’s desk and slams the paper down in fury.

“Go on.” Mike says. “Explain to me what this is.”

Wordless, Kyle picks up the paper and reads. He keeps his face neutral even though inside he is freaking out. There is no reason for this piece of paper to exist, and for Mike to have it is completely unacceptable. Someone would hear about this.

“I don’t know what to tell you Mike.” Kyle knows he is cornered, but won’t just roll over for the coach. “Where did you find this?”

Mike narrows his eyes and glares at Kyle hard before deciding to answer.

“Lou left it in the john in my office. Don’t even get me started on that, Brendan told me I’d be the only one with the key to that john. But his puckered old cheeks sloughing skin onto my seat doesn’t get me half as riled up as this garbage.”

“Did you ask Lou about it?” Kyle asks.

“I asked him.” Mike says. “He fed me some line, all I heard was lies. You gonna feed me a story too, or do you shoot a little straighter?”

Kyle pondered his options and settled on compliance. “I shoot pretty straight I guess. What exactly do you want me to explain?”

“Well how about you start from the top and work your way down.” Mike is fuming, feeling as if there is a joke being made and he isn’t in on it.

“Okay, well at the top here it says: Complete list of Toronto Maple Leafs super powers as demonstrated with aptitude and consistency. I think that’s pretty clearly stated as far as a title goes. And now glancing quickly down the list here, I see a few guys on the team have some super powers.

“Morgan Rielly is a technopath, Tyler Bozak can become mercury, Nazem Kadri is a shadow jumper, Jake Gardiner can morph into a giant snake or several hundred smaller snakes.” Kyle pauses. “That’s not accurate. I think Jake can veer into over two thousand smaller snakes. I’ll have to get Lou a more recent list. Leo Komarov shoots rocket blasts from his hands and feet plus he can generate an impenetrable force field, and James van Riemsdyk can spin really really fast. Did you want me to explain more about how their powers work? Naz has an awesome power, basically he can use any shadow to go to any other shadow on the planet. Super helpful for spying or sneaking into stuff.

“My favourite power has got to be Morgans. He can control any digital device within ten miles. He can read any computer, enter any phone, he can control traffic systems, I mean, in this technologically obsessed world of ours his potential is limitless.”

Mike is stunned. He stares at Kyle, mouth agape, unable to pick a single statement from the myriad of thoughts spinning through his head.

“Now I know what your thinking.” Mike doesn’t know himself but Kyle carries on. “Why don’t they do any of this stuff in a game, and the truth is, they aren’t allowed. If the world found out about all the super star athlete superheroes running around there would be chaos.

“So what are the powers for, if not for winning hockey games?” Mike can’t understand why this advantage is being withheld.

“Its like I said.” Kyle answers sheepishly. “They are super heroes. They help keep the world safe from evil doers and me and Lou get to help.”

Mike glowers at Kyle for longer than Kyle is comfortable with.

“That’s crap.” He says before turning and stomping out of the office.