Lou Lamoriello slams his phone down hard, breaking it.

“Fuck!” The Toronto Maple Leafs GM says as he pulls a new smartphone out of a drawer.

“They didn’t take the deal?” Kyle Dubas asks. The Toronto Maple Leafs assistant GM is laying on a large comfortable couch snacking on ketchup chips, crumbs are everywhere.

“What do you think, Ass? Burke won’t budge. He won’t keep any salary in the deal.” Lou takes a long pull from his hookah. He blows tiny smoke rings which he flicks irritably.

“You mean Brad right?” Kyle asks.

“Huh?” Lou does not know what Kyle is talking about.

“Calgary’s GM is Brad Treliving, not Brian Burke.”

“No.” Lou laughs. “It’s Burkey. Who do you think I’ve been talking to for the last hour.”

“Well Brad is their GM.” Kyle insists.

“Either way the Flames won’t do the deal our way. They will trade Hamilton for JVR but they won’t keep a penny of salary.” Lou blows out more frustrated smoke rings.

“That sucks.” Says Kyle. “Oh well fuck ’em right.”

“Exactly!” Lou jumps out of his seat. “Fuck ’em! Ass, I’m so happy you’re finally getting it. Honestly, I was a little worried about you.”

Lou walks behind his office bar and fixes himself a pint of dark rum. He Looks over at Kyle and raises his eyebrows while guzzling the brown liquor.

“No thanks.” Kyle waves the offer away. “I try not to drink too much before nine.”

Lou refills his glass and sits down on the couch beside Kyle.

“Now what?” Lou asks.

“Any word from the Ducks?”

“The last time we talked they wanted a pick and Wily for Fowler.”

“That’s nuts.” Kyle shakes his head.

“I know.” Lou puts an arm around Kyle’s shoulder. “I know. Wily is a great kid, but he doesn’t have a lot of experience. You know even Burkey said we should play him some more. But what can we do right, Mike plays who he plays.”

Mike Babcock is the Toronto Maple Leafs head coach and he does not always appreciate input regarding his lineup.

“It’s unfortunate.” Lou continues. “Mike wants to send a message but dropping the kid to the fourth line just makes it harder to get something decent in a trade. And we need to get better on defence, everyone knows it. I don’t want to trade anybody but it’s part of the job. I just wish our coach wasn’t making my job so hard.”

Kyle sees too late where Lou is steering the conversation.

“Of course there are solutions to every problem.” Lou winks with a grin.

“No.” Kyle immediately shakes his head.

“Just hear me out.” Lou persists.

“You are not firing Mike.” Kyle says.

“Listen, listen, shhhh.” Lou gently rubs Kyle’s back and shoulders. “I just want to fire him a tiny little bit. Think of the stir it will cause. We just won. No one fires a coach after a win, it’s brilliant, he’ll never see it coming.”

Kyle is uncomfortable with the back rub but cannot allow Lou to sense any weakness.

“You are not firing Mike.” Kyle says.

“Please. Kyle. Damnit!”

Silent, Kyle tries to enjoy the back rub. Note, the word ‘try’ implies failure.