Auston Matthews squints in the late day sun. Half a block away a pirate lines up his antique flintlock pistol, aiming at the young Toronto Maple Leaf hero, drooling in concentration.

“Don’t.” Auston makes the request politely and futilely. The pistol explodes in a mess of smoke. The shot is well made, Auston can tell that the bullet will hit him just above his left eye. The Leaf considers his options.

A modern Glock 9mm pistol has an approximate bullets speed of 375 meters per second. From 20 meters away Auston would have easily been able to cut the bullet in half with his sword, sheathing the weapon before the halves hit the ground. The flintlock bullet travels at around 250 meters per second giving Auston a moment to pity the foolish mook in the pirate outfit that stands before him.

Deliberately Auston tilts his head to the right. The bullet seems to take forever to whiz by his ear.

“Did you want to try again? Or was that enough?”

The pirate swears. Loading a flintlock pistol is a tedious process which takes between 20 to 40 seconds for experts to complete. The pirate begins this process just as the phone in Auston’s phone begins to ring. His ringtone is ’50 Mission Cap’ by the Tragically Hip.

“Hello.” Auston holds up a ‘one sec’ finger to the pirate who does not look up from loading his pistol.

“Auston, Hello, it’s Mike.”

“Hey coach.” Mike Babcock doesn’t call Auston very often and the young Leaf wonders if there’s some trouble back in Toronto. “Is everything alright?”

“Oh, everything’s fine, I just wanted to catch up with you, see how things are going. Must be nice to be with friends and family again.”

“It’s real nice coach.” The pirate looks up at last and stares at Auston, who is still holding up his finger. “I’ve been training really hard still, but its been fun catching up.”

The pirate fires, Auston swats the lead shot out of the air and glares at him.

“What was that?” Mike asks in a tone that suggests he knows exactly what it was.

“Just some stuff, it’s all good coach.” Auston holds the pirate with his steely glare and the would be criminal drops his gun. “Hey, I watched that movie you told me about.”

“The Rock?” Mike manages to keep his excitement understated.

“Yeah.”

“What did you think?”

“It was okay I guess.”

“Hey man!” The man in the pirate outfit shouts. “This is bullshit!”

“One sec coach.” Auston isn’t even close to losing his temper, but he lets a little of it show and the pirate takes a step back. “I’m on the phone. Run away or something. Go get some friends. I hear the hospital can get lonely.”

“What?” The pirate doesn’t understand.

“I’m going to hurt you.” Auston states plainly. He lifts his phone back to his ear. “I liked it when the one guy got shot by the rocket, and the old guy was pretty cool I guess.”

“You guess?” Mike is shocked. “Sean Connery is the best. He’s James Bond.”

“I like Bond okay. The Avengers are better.” Auston doesn’t look up as the pirate takes off down the street, but he walks over to retrieve the fallen pistol.

“Kids don’t know anything about good movies.” Mike proclaims.

“Say what you want coach. Spider-Man is awesome.” Auston retorts, flingging the pistol casually over his shoulder. The weapon flies about one hundred meters and hits the fleeing pirate square on the noggin, knocking him senseless.

“Of course Spider-Man is awesome.” Mike almost shouts. “Spider-Man was awesome before he was ever in a movie, just nobody noticed. Before comic book movies came along  screenplays could be original, and sometimes they even were. Now it’s all remakes and superheroes.”

‘Okay, so tell me what great movie I should watch next.” Auston is so sincere it’s hard to believe. “The Rock wasn’t bad. I’ll give old stuff another chance. I like history.”

“History.” Mike huffs. “Classics is what they are. You should watch ‘A Fish Called Wanda’ if you can find it. It’s from a time before cell phones or airport security.”

“Weird.” Auston is intrigued.

“It’s a great movie” Mike says. “Maybe we could watch it together when you get back into town. When are you coming back?”

“Not sure yet, coach.” Auston hasn’t stopped thinking about getting back onto the ice with his team. The sting of losing his last game hasn’t worn off at all. That doesn’t mean he’s ready to get back at it right away though. Life is for living after all. “But I would love to watch a fish movie with you.”

“It’s not about fish, in fact the fish isn’t really part of it, kind of.” Mike doesn’t want to spoil anything.

“Like I said, I’m totally in, coach, but I have to let you go now.” Auston has walked to were the pirate lays, starting to stir. “We’ll talk soon, okay.”

“Okay, Auston, talk soon, love you, bye, I love you…”

Auston drops the call knowing the coach will go on saying goodbye for ages.

The pirate struggles to raise his head. The strain makes him vomit which makes Auston hop back to avoid getting splatter on his shoes. The pirate rolls onto his back and howls at the sky. Immediately a strange sound whistles out of the pirates ears and before Auston can react the man flashes into steam with a wet pop. Then the howl is answered many times over.

Auston feels the hostile intent swarming toward him even as the shadows begin to move. Auston spins, shapes emerge all around him and in moments Auston is surrounded by a mob

Dozens of pants-less grey aliens wearing bright red ‘Make America Great Again’ hats and t-shirts circle Auston. They don’t say a word. For a long, tense, instant Auston matches their stillness. He breaths a perfect breath and upon exhale explodes into action.

The fight is short. The Greys seemed to think that their numbers and imposing presence would simply awe Auston into submission. Instead, with clockwork precision, Auston delivers knees, elbows, fists, and feet which demolish the soft grey flesh with ease. The few Greys that actually attempt to strike him do so with feeble and untrained skill. Auston doesn’t even draw his sword.

Not remotely out of breath Auston pulls the hat off of one of the fallen Greys. A wave of revulsion surges through the Toronto Maple Leaf as he reads it. America is not being made great. It is not Auston’s problem, not yet. For now he is focused on making the Maple Leafs great again. Even as he tears the cheap hat in two he knows his mind is made up. It’s time to go back to Toronto.