When humanity is threatened only the super powered might of the Toronto Maple Leafs can be counted on to save the day. The Leafs have undergone a major overhaul this year. Of all the changes, none has been more impactful than the addition of a squadron based tactical deployment that head coach Mike Babcock and GM Kyle Dubas designed to keep the peace on the mean Toronto streets. Today we follow Otter squad: wingers.

The sewers under Raleigh, North Carolina are deeper then they have any need to be. Deep within the earth the city hides a secret that most of its citizens have forgotten. The last stable portal to the fairy realm was discovered in 1812 and has been protected ever since. Justin Williams, of the Carolina Hurricanes, is in the portal chamber fighting for his life. A fecal demon is desperate to invade the fairy realm for demons abhor anything that is bright and lovely and the fairy realm is both of those things to the exclusion of all else.

Justin is not going to let anything get by him. Not a drop of poop has splashed into the chamber. Justin uses his super powered force shield to hold the demon at bay but he cannot yet go on the offensive. The pressure battering his shield is immense. Sweat drips down Justin’s face but the fear of drowning in crap is very motivating. Even though he knows his Hurricane teammates are somewhere fighting with him he wishes a few of them were actually beside him.

As if in answer to his silent wish, Justin hears the sounds of fighting in the tunnels and the weight of the fecal demon is momentarily off of him. Justin holds his shield in place for a minute longer, listening to the sounds of battle. A noise, the release of ancient torment, washes over Justin and the emotions revealed batter him like a physical force. The sound fades and Justin releases his shield.

The tunnels beyond the portal chamber are dripping with feces. The smell is immense but for now the poop is inert. As Justin is considering the best way to traverse the tunnels without getting poop on his clothes he hears the unmistakable sound of approaching feet. He puts his shield back in place and braces himself. None of his teammates should have been so close. The footsteps get closer and eventually Justin can see four figures approaching. The four are totally covered in crap, head to toe in a thick smear like icing on a putrid cake.   

Even when they are right by his shield Justin can’t tell who the mysterious four are. One steps up and presses his face against Justin’s power.

“You good in there?” The poop covered specter asks.

“I’m fine.” Justin answers.

“Cool, um, any chance you have any water?” The desperation in the question is plain.

“No.” Justin wouldn’t let them into the chamber even if there was a river running through it. “Please just go. I’ve got this.”

Toronto Maple Leafs  Connor Brown, Josh Leivo, Andreas Johnsson, and Tyler Ennis make their way slowly back to the surface. They do not talk, both because they have nothing to say and because none of them want to risk getting anymore poop in their mouths. They all appreciate that protecting the fairy realm is a worthy cause. They also know that whatever stopped the feces demon, it wasn’t them. All the Toronto Maple Leafs accomplished in Raleigh was to get covered in crap, and it stinks.