Today will not be a typical post because I am super constipated and I feel like my life is mirroring the Leafs play, or vice versa. See, I was at my company holiday party and I ate too much. Now I can’t poop. It sucks.

The Leafs love goals the way I love food. They want more and, even if it’s not smart, they always want to have more.

Like a forgotten, half full tray of appetizers at my company holiday party, the Leafs have been feasting on goals and it seemed at times like the fun would never end. But fun always ends.

Now no matter how much they push, or how much they just relax and let things fall into place naturally, no matter how many home remedies they try, no matter what professional advice they follow, like me the Leafs just can’t make shit happen.

There’s only one way forward, grit your teeth and hang on, everything will be better soon. The trick is to remember what happened and try not to let it happen again.

Sent from my washroom.