When humanity is threatened only the super powered might of the Toronto Maple Leafs can be counted on to save the day. The Leafs have undergone a major overhaul this year. Of all the changes, none has been more impactful than the addition of a squadron based tactical deployment that head coach Mike Babcock and GM Kyle Dubas designed to keep the peace on the mean Toronto streets. Today we follow Gorgon squad: Management.

Kyle Dubas silences the intruder alarm and starts scanning the Toronto Maple Leafs tower security cameras. His office has control over all the towers automated systems including the swarm of hunter/killer robot drones that he activates while switching between camera feeds. He finds the intruder easily enough and considers deactivating the drones, but doesn’t. This particular visitor may or may not mean any harm but he is definitely dangerous.

Lou Lamoriello, GM of the New York Islanders struts through the lower halls of Toronto Maple Leaf tower as if he owns them. None of the Leafs staff have questioned his right to be there, Lou is the boss no matter who he works for. Islanders heroes Leo Komarov and Matt Martin are equally familiar with the tower but they have the decency to look uncomfortable as they trail a few steps behind Lou. Ascending the escalator between the Toronto Maple Leaf candy factory and the Toronto Maple Leaf indoor endangered wildlife preserve, Lou is finally confronted by the swarm of drones.

“What’s this Kyle?” Lou asks. “Hiding behind your little toys? Why not come out and face me? Are you the boss or some little fucking bitch?”

“I’m very busy, Lou. What do you want?” Kyle speaks through one of the drones making it easy to hide his satisfaction at hearing Lou calling him by his proper name instead of the title ‘Ass‘ he wore for three years as Lou’s assistant.

“I just wanted to walk around a little.” Lou shrugs. “Wanted to see what sort of changes you’ve been making. So far it looks pretty good.”

“Well gee Lou, thanks. You can go now.” The drones spread out and prime their weapons

“Gosh Kyle,” Lou smiles. “Can’t a guy just fucking visit for a minute? Back in my day this organization used to treat people with respect. Oh well. Matt.” Lou gestures to the former Leaf.

Matt hesitates as he tries to decide who to focus on, looking between Leo, the drones, and Lou. He knows Lou wants him to destroy the drones but he also knows Kyle wouldbe really annoyed if he did. It is a hard choice. Before he can decide two current Toronto Maple Leafs leave the indoor endangered wildlife preserve.

Having enjoyed their weekly visit with the baby tigers Mitch Marner and Auston Matthews are surprised to stumble on the tense situation. Mitch is the first to recover and he approaches his former buddy Matt with arms spread wide for a hug.

“Get in here Mr. Martin.” Mitch has a grin that is almost impossible to resist. I say almost because Lou is not amused. “That’s right buddy, let old Mitchy here get you nice and tight.”

“Holy fuck, get a room.” Lou interjects. “Nice beard Auston, you look like a dirty homeless hobo shitbag. Your parents must be very proud. Put some god damn socks on, it’s winter over here.” Lou looks up at the drones. “Honestly Kyle, what are you doing with this place. I bet these kids are getting their insta-faces all full of Fortnite screen jabs, what a world. And look at the two LGTBQRS’s over here. Back in my day you used to hate your opponents. If a guy got traded you’d slash his tires while he was packing his shit. Now all these little bitches twatter love poems to each other like a bunch of horny Greek fruitbats. For Christ sake Matt stop hugging him.” Matt backs away from Mitch with a wistful grin. “Come on boys, we’re leaving. I can take a hint. I know when I’m not wanted.” Lou turns and leaves, lighting a cigar on his way. Leo and Matt hesitate, sharing a moment with their former teammates.

“I like your beard.” Leo says to Auston. “I’m still going to fuck you up though.”

The Islanders make their way out, the Leafs don’t do anything to stop them. They might have tried but decided against it for reasons neither man can truly understand.