When humanity is threatened only the super powered might of the Toronto Maple Leafs can be counted on to save the day. The Leafs have undergone a major overhaul this year. Of all the changes, none has been more impactful than the addition of a squadron based tactical deployment that head coach Mike Babcock and GM Kyle Dubas designed to keep the peace on the mean Toronto streets. Today we follow Otter squad: Centers.

The New Jersey Devils are named after the New Jersey devil who came over the ocean from England where he was known as the Jersey devil, which stands to reason. Today the devil lives a sad and lonely life under a small and horribly unremarkable bridge. A steady diet of hobos and homeless orphans has maintained the devil, but he is growing restless. Today the devil can resist no longer, today he hunts.

Any human flesh will do of course but the devil has always preferred the flesh of novitiate nuns.This succulent delicacy is hard to come by and the devil has been out of touch with the world for decades. The smells of the streets have changed, the devil is disoriented which makes him angry. Where he remembers a convent he now finds a, empty lot. Sniffing the air only makes his nose burn from the acid filth belching out from a million cars and chimneys. Desperate, he snaps at a passerby which turns out to be a lamp post which breaks a tooth.

The lamp post kicks the devil across the street. This breaks more teeth and the devil has had enough. Shedding his mundane guise is a painful process which only serves to fuel the devils rage. All he needs now is a target for that rage. Unfortunately all his targets are Toronto Maple Leafs.

The Leafs hadn’t even been tracking the New Jersey devil. Frederik Gauthier was staking out a bomb happy doomsday cult when he had suddenly gotten bit. He had kicked the strange ugly dog harder than he meant to but didn’t feel so bad once the mongrel stood up on its back legs, grew eight feet tall and started spouting fire out of its snout. Freddy wasn’t scared exactly, his granite body was hard to hurt, he just didn’t think he could beat the devil quick enough on his own to keep the collateral damage down. Luckily his squad was close.

Nazem Kadri steps out from the shadows and unloads his  twin Toronto Maple Leaf fully automatic Desert Eagle 4.0’s into the devils chest. The devil swipes at Naz and Auston Matthews short sword chops his arm off at the elbow. The devil makes to bite at Auston and John Tavares smashes his face with his iron tipped quarter staff. The devil can’t even register his hurt and fury before the next attack.

With devastating precision the Leafs destroy the New Jersey devil. It may have been unlucky but that is hardly relevant. Luck is a thing that is only evident in hindsight. In the moment everything hangs in the balance. Call it bad fortune, call it bad timing, whatever you call it the deed is done. Perhaps things might have been different if only they were not. In the end there is no escaping the truth, the Leafs have won.