I wish I had never been. What a useless thought. Had I never been the I that I am then I might be some different I altogether but I’d still be me. I am stuck with me for life. So what can I do about it?

It is very easy for me to get lost in memories, picking through old shame or faded beauty with a ruthless degree of recrimination. All the people I didn’t kiss, all the games I chose to miss, those fights I fought and those I did not, and all the empty smoke between.

I wish I had never taken up cigarette smoking except that quitting was one of the first times I learned I have strength. I wish I had never gotten into plumbing except that when my shower breaks I just fix it.

So what does regret do? Probably nothing super helpful. It allows us to wallow in unhealed pain. It allows us to feel sad for times where we might have learned a lesson except for the horrible pain of regret that assaults every moment of reflection. It also might inform which moments deserve perusal and which do not. As if not wanting to think about something might be a sign to think about it.

Death for example. Fear of death is something that is so very crammed down our throats. It is literally the only part of life that is completely certain. There are ancient tales of days where the sun never moved (or the night never ended, just depends on which side of the planet the story is from) so even that’s not a hundred percent sure. I like to think we go where we believe we go, and since I prefer laziness as a rule, all I need to do is wait and eventually I won’t be here.

I feel like that’s where I started this post, wondering what to do while I wait for the only certain thing in this life. What to do and what not to do, really.

I DO want to learn more about how to be my very best self. I DO want to live a life that feels meaningful. I DO want to use the power of my heart to unlock all the love this world has to offer.

I DO NOT want to spend another second being angry at myself. I DO NOT want fear to be my guide. I DO NOT want to spend endless thought energy on regretting choices I have made, it’s either a learning moment or it’s past.

It’s all so easy to write. Words on their own have no value. Words aligned with actions all following my intent,  that’s the goal. I am very far from a perfect human but I have another chance every moment. The Toronto Maple Leafs are far from a perfect team but they are not out of the race yet. What’s the point of wailing over what didn’t happen on the trade deadline? Why worry about who is making what amount of money? I prefer to think about how nice it will feel when I watch one hockey player in my favourite jersey hand a big silver cup to another hockey player in my favourite jersey. That is a nice, happy thought.