The solstice is coming up really soon and so we celebrate another trip around the sun on this lovely, silly ball we call Earth. I hope the year has been a good one for you, it’s been a good one for me. Things change but nothing ever really changes, kinda.

Change isn’t something that just happens because we all say it’s so. In my experience change is a choice, turning towards our favourite idyllic notion of self, or maybe a community. Maybe a team.

I’ve been doing such a great job of following my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs from afar without getting entangled in the minutia of each shift of each game. What a change from a few years ago. As an individual changes so too does a team. The Leafs I am seeing highlights of and listening to podcasters complain about just seems different. In T he few games I’ve watched (3 full 4-6 partial) the team looks so different.

I guess it must be the new coach except it’s a lot of the same players. Maybe, just maybe, it takes time to learn about what it takes to push harder and dig deeper than the desperate assholes trying to take your cup away. I think that the people who have been watching the Leafs with a critical, if naively hopeful eye, are pleased with what it seems like this version of our team is capable of.

But they still make mistakes, they still lose games, they still have injuries to key players. So what? It’s not like any of us is ever all one thing. We do what we can, and we hope for the best. Only when we look at where we were is it clear how far we have come. For me that’s the trick, and it’s tricky enough that I need to write whole blogs about it just to crystallize how I feel in this moment.

I went snowboarding today, it was a pow day even though I live in a city. What a joyous and abundant day, the universe saw fit to dump snow for hours and hours and I got to shred it to pieces. Then, a few hours later I had to drive. Have I ever mentioned how much I detest driving? It’s not my favourite, and it’s even less my favourite when it’s been snowing for a day. But today I was driving and I was still the same me who rode the wind and kissed the sky. I was able to find a level of calm that no amount of strange or interesting choices that people were making could penetrate.

I never planned to be cool with the drive today. I may not be cool with the next drive I have to take. None of that takes away from the inexorable capacity of the human will to change. Once we want to be something we can become it, no matter what it may be. But only if we’re willing to push and dig and believe in ourselves without demanding. Frankly it’s exhausting, but not so draining as the alternative. (Living as a small, pretend version of your favourite self.)

So happy solstice and happy travels and happy victory. What does it all mean? Who knows? Not me. So what? I be Leaf.

Hugs