When humanity is threatened only the super powered might of the Toronto Maple Leafs can be counted on to save the day. The Leafs have undergone a major overhaul this year. Of all the changes, none has been more impactful than the addition of a squadron based tactical deployment that head coach Mike Babcock and GM Kyle Dubas designed to keep the peace on the mean Toronto streets. Today we follow Oyster squad: Wingers.

With a hideous gurgle the troll falls to the cavern floor. The flock of sheep had been placid but with the fall of their shepard they begin to panic. Freddy ‘The Goat’ Gauthier tackles a nearby ram hoping to shock the flock into submission. Instead they stampede toward the tunnel that leads back to the surface. Thinking quickly, Tyler ‘Enzo’ Ennis hurls a grenade at the tunnel mouth. The pair of Toronto Maple Leafs are now trapped in a cave with a flock of angry mutated troll sheep.

“At least they won’t be able to hurt anybody.” Enzo shrugs.

“Except for us.” Goat replies.

Enzo doesn’t take Goat too seriously because he can turn his body into granite. The sheep soon learn not to run into him. Enzo shrinks down to microscopic size and finds a nice spot to rest high up the cavern wall.

Brave and intrepid heroes though they are, neither Enzo nor Goat are very learned in troll lore. They do not know that trolls have regenerative powers or that the only way to kill them is with fire. Goat learns the hard way that the troll shepard is still a problem when his head is grabbed and slammed into the cavern wall. Lucky for Goat, granite is harder than sandstone so the effect is more of a nuisance than a danger.

Enzo feels the micro-tremors as they reverberate through the cave walls with the equivalent force of  an earthquake. Running and leaping off the cave wall, he grows to his full size as he flips through the air, landing beside the troll with his sword drawn. Two quick cuts sever the arm holding Goat and the trolls head. The severed stumps begin to bubble and soon a new arm and head begin to sprout from the boiling flesh.

“How do we kill this thing?” Enzo asks, hacking at the trolls body to turn it back into a corpse.

“You need to use fire.” A voice says from behind several potato sacks. “The only way to kill a troll is with fire.”

Enzo and Goat get to work building up the trolls little cooking fire and soon the have a roaring blaze to throw the once and future corpse into. The troll bloats hideously then pops a little and is left as a crispy husk withering in the flames.

The Leafs move the potato sacks aside to reveal Doug Hamilton of the Carolina Hurricanes bound from neck to ankles in thick ropes. Enzo cuts Doug free and the Hurricane is extremely grateful, which makes sense since the troll was going to eat him for supper.

“How did it even catch you though?” Goat asks.

Doug mumbles something.

“I didn’t hear you.” Goat says.

“He tricked me.” Doug admits.

When humanity is threatened only the super powered might of the Toronto Maple Leafs can be counted on to save the day. The Leafs have undergone a major overhaul this year. Of all the changes, none has been more impactful than the addition of a squadron based tactical deployment that head coach Mike Babcock and GM Kyle Dubas designed to keep the peace on the mean Toronto streets. Today we follow Damasque squad: the defence.

Brad Marchand, famed hero of the Boston Bruins, is not a rat. Brad is a wererat, meaning he retains something of his human size and shape when he veers into rat form. His teammates Charles McAvoy and David Pastrnak can appreciate the distinction even if it has no discernible value. In fact Charles is of the opinion that if Brad turned into an actual rat, even a big one, it would be preferable to the weird little man/rat hybrid licking its tail and filling the air around him with a putrid musk.

The Bruins are high above Boston in a single engine aircraft waiting to be attacked.

“I still don’t understand why we have to be the bait.” Charles says.

“Because.” When Brad talks thick strands of drool slowly cascade from his snout. The awful sound he makes when he slurps the drool back into his mouth makes Charles shudder. “It’s our city and it’s our job.”

“Don’t worry.” David says, looking back at Charles from the pilots chair. “I don’t even think it’s going to attack.”

The plane lurches as an enormous pair of claws plucks it out of the air. The howling wind is drowned out by a terrible roar and the plane is thrown to the ground, at least that is what the ancient  blue dragon had intended. Charles uses his super powers to lock the dragon’s claws in place. Charles has never locked anything so big before and he wasn’t sure his powers would work, but they seem to be holding, much to the fury of the ancient beast they work upon.

“They better be here.” Charles yells.

“They will be.” Brad says confidently and in answer a cannon ball strikes the dragon square in the chest. Even though the shot bounces off the tough dragon hide the beast is clearly pained.

The shot came from the Toronto Maple Leaf mag-lift hover platform, to which Ron Hainsey welded an actual Napoleonic cannon immediately upon taking possession of it. Ron has no super power of his own, but his affinity for the hover platform borders on the supernatural as his teammate Morgan Rielly often points out. The Leafs circle the ancient dragon pouring an atrocious amount of gun fire into it. The creature is far from defenseless though.

With its front claws trapped by Charles the dragon seeks to bite the platform in half. Ron is able to keep just out of reach but the dragon has centuries of experience in aerial combat. The dragon’s jaws snap and Ron banks hard to avoid them, the dragon flips in the air and slaps the platform with its tail. Morgan and Ron cling to the platform desperately as it spins out of control.

“I guess I better go finish this.” Brad slurps. The wererat crawls out of the plane and scurries up the dragon’s leg toward its head. David is close behind him while Charles stays in the plane concentrating.

The climb to the dragon’s head is treacherous but Brad and David make it quickly. They can see the Toronto Maple Leaf mag-lift hover platform below them. Ron has the rig under control. The dragon opens its mouth, lightning cracks around its maw as it prepares to obliterate the Leafs with a breath attack. Brad takes a bite out of the dragons left eye. David unloads his Boston Bruins semi-automatic combat shotgun into its right. Blinded, the ancient blue dragon lashes out wildly, hitting several clouds with its lightning breath.

It takes another hour for the dragon to be brought down, but the fight was over the moment the Bruins struck.

When humanity is threatened only the super powered might of the Toronto Maple Leafs can be counted on to save the day. The Leafs have undergone a major overhaul this year. Of all the changes, none has been more impactful than the addition of a squadron based tactical deployment that head coach Mike Babcock and GM Kyle Dubas designed to keep the peace on the mean Toronto streets. Today we follow Oyster squad: wingers.

Wily Nylander wipes the sweat from his eyes and leans against a wall. The exhausted Toronto Maple Leaf is not having a great night but he will never run from a battle. The mysterious villain that has been plaguing the Leafs for weeks has turned the cities holiday lights into deadly strings of fluorescent doom. Wily’s powers don’t work against animated decorations and his time away from the Leafs has left his battle timing ever so slightly off. Still, when he hears the sounds of battle ring out Wily heads toward it.

He doesn’t see the string of lights that catches him from behind, wrapping around his throat. As Wily struggles to breath and to free himself a second string of lights wraps around his legs. Fingernails gouge into neck meat in desperation as the young Leaf begins to black out.

There is a soft snikt and the lights around Wily’s neck are gone, sliced clean through. The only cuts on Wily’s neck are from his own nails. The snikt whispers again and the lights around Wily’s legs are cut. Looking up, the Leaf is surprised to find Dylan Larkin of the Detroit Red Wings standing above him.

Without even waiting to receive any thanks, Dylan jogs away with his twin katana blades ready.

Wily may be back, but suddenly he realizes how far away he still is.

When humanity is threatened only the super powered might of the Toronto Maple Leafs can be counted on to save the day. The Leafs have undergone a major overhaul this year. Of all the changes, none has been more impactful than the addition of a squadron based tactical deployment that head coach Mike Babcock and GM Kyle Dubas designed to keep the peace on the mean Toronto streets. Today we follow Oyster squad: wingers.

Jeff Skinner, of the Buffalo Sabres, dances and slays with a smile on his face. A savage herd of Ogres has stampeded into what passes for downtown in the city of Buffalo. Jeff is with Jack Eichel and the two of them have halted the Ogre herd. Jack dodges a heavy fist and kicks an ogre into two others knocking them down. Jeff flips over the fallen Ogres and detonates the oxygen in their blood with a gesture. The Sabres have got the situation under control then suddenly the situation changes.

Ogre bodies at the back of the herd start to get tossed into the air. A severed arm lands with a wet slap on Jack’s head. Before he can recover he is punched hard and sent flying into a wall. Jeff rushes to defend his teammate but the Ogres are not moving in to press their advantage. The herd has turned away from the Sabres to face the new threat tearing into them. In less time then it takes to blow your nose the powerful Ogre herd dwindles to a single monster. A blue and white blur swirls around the Ogre and it falls to a bloody heap of twitching meat.

The blur is Toronto Maple Leaf Kasperi Kapanen. With him are teammates Andreas Johnsson and Wily Nylander. The three Leafs turn away from the Sabres but Jack doesn’t just watch them leave.

“Hey, what’s the big idea?” Jack yells as he gets to his feet. “We didn’t ask for your help! We don’t need any help!”

“That was great Wily.” Kasperi says, ignoring Jack. “You look ready to rock.”

“Get out of here!” Jack yells at the Leafs. “We don’t want you here!”

“Do you feel ready Wily?” Andreas asks. “Or do you want more time? No one wants to rush you.”

“Stop ignoring me! Go away!” Jack’s voice starts to crack in his fury.

“I’m just happy to be back with you guys again.” Wily says. “I’m just so happy.”

Jack continues to yell at the Leafs as they walk away. Jeff wants to tell him to save his breath, he knows that no matter what the Sabres do the Leafs will always do it bigger.  

When humanity is threatened only the super powered might of the Toronto Maple Leafs can be counted on to save the day. The Leafs have undergone a major overhaul this year. Of all the changes, none has been more impactful than the addition of a squadron based tactical deployment that head coach Mike Babcock and GM Kyle Dubas designed to keep the peace on the mean Toronto streets. Today we follow Ether squad: the goalies.

A cold winds rip through the streets of St. Paul, Minnesota keeping the cities populace indoors. This saves the heroes of the Minnesota Wild from having to herd a reluctant crowd of people away from the amazing and deadly event unfolding on Raspberry Island. A Hell gate has opened right under the bandshell. Chief wizard for the Wild, Devan Dubnyk does his best to keep the gate from expanding while his teammates Matt Dumba and Jason Zucker hold back the denizens of the underworld.

The horde is as endless as it is mindless which makes the task of holding them back more like a chore than a battle. Matt uses his sonic scream sparingly, mostly fighting with a mace and a shield. Jason uses his boundless energy to hack away at his foes with a comically over sized longsword. Devan is completely protected in his position behind the two Wild, which is good because it takes all his concentration to maintain a grip on his dwindling sanity. The gate has a will of its own which is desperate to manifest itself permanently on the Earth. As Devan feels his mind start to crack under the demonic barrage a hand lands on his shoulder and a new strength flows into him.

“We just need to keep it open a little while longer.” Says Frederik Andersen, chief wizard of the Toronto Maple Leafs. The Leaf is not alone, his backup wizard Garret Sparks strides with purpose towards the gate. Magic ripples around Garret and trickles into Hell through the gate.

“I can feel him!” Garret shouts back to Freddy. “He’s not alone!”

“Pull him out!” Freddy yells, and braces himself for the consequences.

The magic swirling around Garret pulses and changes from a shimmer to a flood. The gate senses the power and seeks to draw it in, this would devour Garret if Freddy let it. The Leaf wizard works through Devan to manipulate and redirect the gates malicious and hungry focus. Devan is left to observe the action, swept aside by powers beyond his reckoning. A noise begins to build from within the gate. A crooning shriek that soon grows to a gale of noise. The hell folk assaulting the gate are staggered giving Matt and Jason a chance to regroup.

“Stay back!” Freddy yells at the Wild.

“Here they come!” Garret shouts.

The sound gets louder and louder and soon Devan can tell that it is actually the ceaseless roaring of some great beast. Through the gate he sees Garret’s magic glowing brightly as it comes racing back. A massive shadow looms behind, blotting out the burning Hell scape with its unfathomable bulk.

A man shape figure flies out of the gate and slams into Garret, knocking the wizard off his feet. A terrible snout forces through the Hell gate, straining against the confines of the gate, furiously snapping at the new arrival. Devan is frozen in horror unable even to scream in his fear. The Leaf beside him doesn’t hesitate. With a wave of his hand Freddy forces he Hell gate shut. Devan is humbled by the power and finality with which Freddy closes the gate. The horrible snout is severed and the quivering lumps of Hell flesh left Earthside hiss and smolder in the echoing silence.

The first to stand is the man who was pulled out of Hell. William Nylander looks around wild eyed. It only takes a moment for the wayward Leaf to realize what has happened. He starts to laugh.

“I’m home.” Wily says. “I’m finally home.”

When humanity is threatened only the super powered might of the Toronto Maple Leafs can be counted on to save the day. The Leafs have undergone a major overhaul this year. Of all the changes, none has been more impactful than the addition of a squadron based tactical deployment that head coach Mike Babcock and GM Kyle Dubas designed to keep the peace on the mean Toronto streets. Today we follow Otter squad: the centers.

In spite of his ability to travel in and out of the physical dimension through shadows, Nazem Kadri is used to being stuck. This time he is in a solid block of concrete with fellow Toronto Maple Leaf, Par Lindholm and also Joe Thornton and Erik Karlsson of the San Jose Sharks. They are buried up to their necks, their heads just outside of spitting distance of each other. The heroes have been captured by a mysterious villain that has yet to reveal themselves. Their spirits remain high even though the circumstance is dire.

“Your face looks like a goose choking on a tennis ball.” Naz says to Joe.

“I wish I could punch your hairy mouth.” Joe retorts.

“Don’t be racist.” Naz says.

“No way that was racist.” Joe insists.

“It was a little bit racist I think.” Par says, backing up his teammate.

“Erik?” Joe looks for support.

Erik is in a tight spot. He wants to back up his fellow Shark but he is loath to go against another Swede. If he’s honest, Erik isn’t sure if the comment was racist or not. Looking in his heart is no good since he has a cursed frogs heart where his own should be. Eventually Erik chooses noncommittal equivocation.

“It might have been a little racist but who can really say?” Erik finally says.

“I say.” Naz says. “If I feel racially profiled then that makes it racist.”

“That’s total crap.” Joe protests.

“Your beard is crap.” Naz answers. “Your razor must hate you.”

“Ha!” Par laughs. “It is a sad, dull little blade that goes ‘wee wee wee!’ Oh I can see it now with all the little hairs gathered in a tiny sack.”

Erik stifles a laugh to spare Joe’s dignity. “So how will we get out of here?” He asks.

“We wait.” Par says.

“Wait for what?” Erik asks.

“For Auston.” Naz answers.

The name lingers in the air.

“He… He… He’s back?” Erik finally squeaks.

“Pull up your jock man.” Joe is embarrassed. “He’s not that scary.”

“Oh my boy is as scary as you like, old man.” Naz manages to make his head look tough even though it is poking up out of a slab of concrete. “You’re right to fear him, he will destroy you from the inside out.”

“He will dominate your dreams.” Par adds. “He will haunt your every waking moment.”

“Okay, that’s great guys. Leave him alone.” Joe stands up for Erik, who is a gibbering wreck.

A ray of light shines into the room and grows into a portal. Auston Matthews and Freddy Anderson step out of it. Freddy is the Toronto Maple Leafs chief wizard and he is chanting endlessly. Naz feels the concrete around him getting warmer. Auston reaches out to him and Naz finds that he can move again.

Auston pulls out Naz then Par before helping Joe. Last he turns to Erik.

“I’m going to reach out my hand okay.” Auston says. Erik nods. “I want you take my hand. Can you do that?” Erik nods again spellbound by the young Leaf. “Okay, I want you to reach out for my hand, nice and slow, that’s it, take your time.”

Auston displays his remarkable kindness as he waits for Erik to work up the nerve to move. As soon as Erik raises his hand out of the concrete Auston yanks him out and pushes him toward the portal.

“I really like your dumb looking moustache by the way.” Auston says to Erik with a laugh.

What is Wily doing? What is Wily waiting for?   

Will a million gillion dollars make it easier to score?

Who thought up the point that Wily is trying to make?

Who is the man with his life and times at stake?

Just sign something Wily and sign it nice and quick.

Get back back to playing hockey man, we all know you are sick (good)!

Instead of counting dollars count the letters in your name.

Picture them upon a cup and in the Hockey Hall of Fame.

Our chances are so fleeting and so few and far between.

You have a chance to be on one of the greatest ever teams.

Of course I am a fan, so what could I really know.

I know that I would gladly die for what you might well just blow.

(Read my first poem to Wily Nylander here)

When humanity is threatened only the super powered might of the Toronto Maple Leafs can be counted on to save the day. The Leafs have undergone a major overhaul this year. Of all the changes, none has been more impactful than the addition of a squadron based tactical deployment that head coach Mike Babcock and GM Kyle Dubas designed to keep the peace on the mean Toronto streets. Today we follow Horse squad: wingers.

When taken over by the wolf, Toronto Maple Leaf Patrick Marleau has no fear. Day after day, battle after battle, the wolf is always eager for more. With a howl his claws dig deep into the belly of the giant squid that has been terrorizing lake Ontario.

The first ever recorded sighting of this freshwater Architeuthis dux was when it dragged three people off of the ferry going out to the island. It had been spotted several times since and the body count was rising. The trouble was that the Toronto Maple Leafs had not been able to pinpoint it on any conventional radar. It was Patrick that came up with the idea of baiting it. Now Patrick was going to get that bait back if he could. Not out of any sort of fondness, for it was no Toronto Maple Leaf in the belly of the giant squid, but simply because it was right. So Patrick would risk his life for a rival.

The squids soft flesh parts easily enough under Patrick’s long lycan claws. The squid grabs hold of Patrick with one of its arms or legs or tentacles, whichever is most accurate and least offensive to you. Patrick kicks out with his feet until he feels the appendage then he digs at it until it lets go. The werewolf lands claws first on the squid and begins to dig deeper. The squid dives.

Holding his breathe, Patrick keeps digging until he finds what he seeks. Ripping the wererat from the giant squids belly is easy once Patrick has a firm grip. The Leaf kicks off the squid and drags the sodden lump of twisted flesh to the surface. Of all the varied and various races that grace this world none is more completely vile than the ever odious wererat. From long pointy nose to gross pink tail everything about a wererat makes a stranger want to kill it. Luckily for this rat the werewolf that pulls it up onto the beach is no stranger.

Patrick drops the sodden creature and waits. He soon notices it isn’t breathing so he kicks it hard in the gut. With a tortured gasp Boston Bruin Brad Marchand, the wererat, sits up.

“Thanks for the save.” Brad says through his slobber. He licks out a nostril with his hideous tongue.

“You are the worst.” Patrick says. “I hate you.”

When humanity is threatened only the super powered might of the Toronto Maple Leafs can be counted on to save the day. The Leafs have undergone a major overhaul this year. Of all the changes, none has been more impactful than the addition of a squadron based tactical deployment that head coach Mike Babcock and GM Kyle Dubas designed to keep the peace on the mean Toronto streets. Today we follow Otter squad: the centers.

Par Lindholm is new to the Toronto Maple Leafs and to life in North America but he is no stranger to fighting skeletons. The assault rifle he favours is no use against animated bones so instead he uses his powers, which create hard light objects, to wield two small maces to smash the bones in to powder. His teammate Freddy “the Goat” Gauthier can turn his body into granite which makes him very effective against the skeletons, but they are attacking the Mount Pleasant Cemetery in such numbers that the very weight of his foes is slowing the Goat down. John Tavares doesn’t bother using his super chill powers on the skeletons. Instead he relies on his strength and skill as well as his iron tipped quarterstaff to become a virtual whirlwind of skeletal destruction. Nazem Kadri doesn’t like fighting in the daylight, but he doesn’t have to like it to do it. Naz uses his shadow walking powers wherever he can to slip in and out of our physical realm, smashing bones with a crowbar and appearing behind the foes that move to fight back.

The Leafs work to defend the graveyard but the hatred arrayed against them is immense. Thousands and thousands of skeletons rage around them. Naz fights his way toward John.

“We need a plan.” Naz shouts over the din of battle.

“Great.” John says between swings of his staff. “You got one?”

Naz is too busy to answer. Some larger skeletons armed with heavy hammers have surrounded the Goat. One of them is just about to bring its hammer down but suddenly its arms are smashed by a crowbar. Naz pulls Goat into the shadow realm and brings him to John, then finds Par and does retrieves him as well.

“We stay close.” Naz says. “That’s my plan. You guys will have to figure the rest out yourselves.”

The Leafs fight and the skeletons come on and on. The world shrinks to a small patch of grass where life and death strive to over power each other. The Leafs are heroes, one and all, but even heroes can fall. Luckily that is not their doom on this day. A whirlwind tears through the skeletal host tossing broken bones about like leaves in a gale. It is no random storm that has appeared though. The whirlwind spins with a deadly purpose, smashing through the densest knot of undead warriors and moving to the next. The press of foes working against the Leafs is weakened and soon shattered. Hundreds of skeletons are demolished in a minute and in five they have routed from the field. The whirlwind spins towards the Leafs who brace themselves needlessly. The whirlwind stops and slows, revealing James van Riemsdyk holding a comically oversized warhammer. The Philadelphia Flyer grins as he approaches the Leafs.

“What’s the matter Naz?” James asks. “Didn’t you recognize me?” Given how long he was a Toronto Maple Leaf, it’s not surprising that he sounds slighted.

Naz gives his old teammate a hug. “Just wasn’t expecting you bro. Good to see you though.”

“We can catch up later.” James says. “First we need to stop these skeletons.”

“I thought we just did.” Goat says.

“We scattered their forces but they will regroup, and soon.” James says grimly. “I’ve fought these skeletons before, a long time ago, in England.”

“Guys.” Par interrupts. “They’re back.”

The skeletons have returned and if anything their army has grown. Undead giants now stride through the host and magical power swirls around a group of skeletal mages assembled on a hilltop. Scores of dead mouths cry out, mocking their lack of throats with the noise. Archers ready their weapons.

“Everybody find cover!” John shouts as a cloud of arrows darkens the sky.

Par hides behind Goats granite body, John holds up a fallen shield, and Naz pulls James into the shadow realm.         

“Tell me what happened in England.” Naz demands. “But quickly.”

James tells Naz the story. (You can read it here)

“So we just need to find whoever is controlling them, should be easy.” Naz grins.

“I hope you’re right.” James says.

Naz opens a path back to reality where waves of skeletons have broken against the Leafs who stayed behind. John, Par and Goat work together to create a seamless weave, a dance of devastation that brings peace to the restless dead at last. As if those risen bones seek that peace they rush on in countless numbers. James is frozen in awe of what the Leafs are capable of. Naz whoops with glee and joins in the dance, seamlessly finding a place where his will can be unleashed on the hapless army of skeletons.

“Let’s finish these guys off quick. Naz shouts over the battle. “Then we get to hunt for Excalibur!”

As James watches his former team he wonders what might have been. He had sought to help the Leafs and to capture some of his former glory with his former team. Now he sees that they do not need him and feels only the privilege of being able to say he was part of something great once. 

When humanity is threatened only the super powered might of the Toronto Maple Leafs can be counted on to save the day. The Leafs have undergone a major overhaul this year. Of all the changes, none has been more impactful than the addition of a squadron based tactical deployment that head coach Mike Babcock and GM Kyle Dubas designed to keep the peace on the mean Toronto streets. Today we aren’t following any of the squads.

John Tortorella smiles from ear to ear and makes his move. The checker clicks then clacks then clicks one more time.

“King me again.” John says triumphantly.

Mike Babcock can only shake his head. “I think we can just call it there.” He reaches out to shake John’s hand. “I conceded the match.”

“Ha! Ha!” John jumps out of his chair to do a victory dance which lasts long enough to feel rehearsed. “I beat you! I beat you! Oh that feels good. Yeah, take your beating Mike. Take it.”

Mike packs up his checker board and leaves while John dances and hurls insults with increasing imagination and vulgarity.

Strolling through the streets of Ohio, Mike meditates on the loss. He seeks answers in the sights and sounds of the city but he finds only himself. Sometimes you can try your best and still fall short. Winning is a gift that can never be taken for granted. Losing is a load that must be borne. Thankfully Mike will have little time to dwell. A new day will come with the rising sun and with it a new challenge and a new opponent.